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I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..

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(no subject) [Apr. 28th, 2006|11:44 pm]
I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..

i havent posted in forever. i guess ive been really caught up in my life. ive been pretty happy through the ups and downs. my grandpa is in the hospital because my family likes heart attacks and i dont know whats going to happen even though its been 2 weeks...but then, on the very positive side, one of my friends finally snagged the boy shes been chasing forever...so yeah theres my quick little summary... :D
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SAT [Mar. 28th, 2006|04:43 pm]
I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..

Since my SAT is this Saturday, I am focusing my energy into studying for it. I am sorry to withhumanvoices that I will not be commenting at all this week. After my SAT, I will be back to read and comment and participate. Do not think that I am just being indolent (nice SAT word right there, huh? :P) .

Anyway, yeah, thanks, see ya.

Wish me good luck!!!!!
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Poem [Mar. 16th, 2006|05:08 pm]
I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..
Autumn Stuns My Universe

My overanxious hands lift up
As if to touch your lovely face
Impatiently, though, you shift out of my reach
(and fight through my heart)
Plunge your hand deep into my chest
Rip out all my bones and squishy parts
Chuck them into the ocean that cries out in protest
Let the fish swim through my blood
Let the worms eat out my heart
(isn’t that what they always chant? “eat your heart out, boy”)
Maybe my fate never should have dated yours
But I love you
You’re the cute boy
The bad-ass
The best friend
I guess the “bad-ass” part got the best of you tonight, though
(everything you do to me is okay)
Remember, you are the one who mesmerized my colorless soul
Painting it vibrantly
I am your masterpiece
You have the right to spill black all over me
Toss me into oblivion if you like
(I’ll still smile for you)
Why do girls always want the boy who causes trouble?
I never saw you as an asshole
But it must have been your good looks that blinded me to this fact
Even after everything you do to me
Shredding open my body
Pulling free my thriving love
B r e a k i n g open my universe that rests on your fingers

“I still love you…”
“Well, you shouldn’t…We aren’t meant to last forever”

You stand up and walk away
Stripping me of everything I know
The ocean purrs to life
Rubbing against my toes
Lapping at my bruised love that spills onto the sand
Glistening in the moonlight
A seagull cries overhead
I lift my tired eyes to its belly
Yearning to lift my overanxious hands to your lovely face…

I don't think it does justice...but, i still kindof like it anyway...
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Eh, I Don't Know... [Mar. 11th, 2006|09:12 pm]
I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..
[mood |goodgood]
[music |Savin' Me-Nickleback]

I don't know if I like this poem...it's kind of weird...and not exactly true anymore...granted, Jase is a huge part of my life, he's my little muse :P, but I'm okay with him having a girlfriend now...he really loves her...Oh, and on a side note, Sam, my stepsister, is slowly winning me over after that fiasco a month and a week ago so I'm pretty happy :D

Butterflies Can’t Be Friends With Horses

It hurts to hear her name roll off your tongue instead of my name
My name used to flutter in the air
A butterfly yearning to kiss the flower
And yet, always blowing away in the wind
Now her name prances around the room
A horse strutting around
Tail flicking at the butter
She sounds beautiful
Just lovely
I can tell
Your eyes glow
Your smile widens
You don’t see me anymore
I know
We are just friends
We have always been just friends
I ache to steal her place though
I’ve been struggling to change into a damn butterfly for years now
And now that I am complete
You ignore me
Too enchanted by her pathetically perfect love
I would kill to thrust open the gate
Chase that horse out of my pasture
But I don’t think she would gallop away
Exactly like how I can’t just flit away
I hope one day you catch me
Just crush me already
Destroy my colors
Like water paint
Make me rain down and ruin myself
Yank apart my wings
Have her dance all over my hopeless heart
Just give me an excuse to hate her more than I already do
And maybe I’ll finally just fly away
And realize I am only a moth and she’s the bittersweet lamp…
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Happy Birthday Jase!!!! [Mar. 7th, 2006|04:45 pm]
I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..
Happy birthday Jase!

So, today, after 5th period (and carrying a Christmas bag-I'm too lazy to wrap and it was the only thing around-all day) I finally see Jase in the hallways and he's hugging some random girl. I call out to him and tell him happy birthday and he sweeps me into a hug and plants a kiss on my cheek and I melt and of course, I kiss his cheek and he says "Thanks, Sam" and I walk away, smiling like an idiot. And that damn girl just glared at me and I wanted to snap at her. I mean, it's not my fault I've been his friends 16 and half years of his now eighteen years and it's not my fault that I know his birthday and bought him presents and got a hug and a kiss on the cheek from him so she should just go away, argh! (and to think, that's not even his girlfriend...i think i might just break down into a puddle of heartache if i ever met her and still liked him)

So much for being over him , huh?

Happy birthday, Jase, my little muse...one day something will work...whether it be that I get over you or catch you...
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Daisy of the Desert (thanks to Pan) [Mar. 3rd, 2006|06:41 pm]
I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..
Standing there
A fragile daisy struggling to hold onto the ground
I witness the sweep of your brown-eyed gaze
It lands on me
A butterfly fighting the wind to get to the daisy
I can't move
I can't breathe
Hoping this isn't just my reality playing before me
You smile
It's not as confident as before
Your eyes are slightly shifty
And you're silent (for the first time in your life)
I just stand there
You open your mouth
Close it
Shake your head
I smile back at you
Hoping to invite you closer
You blink a few times
"Hey, maybe we should hang out again soon"
Those words have never sounded sweeter
"Yeah, maybe we should"
You nod your head
And walk away to your car
I wave good-bye
I won't climb the stairs back to my front door (until I know you aren't coming back for me)
And the wind blows the butterfly away
And rips the daisy from the ground...
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Haven't written a poem about him in a while... [Mar. 2nd, 2006|07:52 pm]
I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..

It feels so good to be liberated of you

I can walk down the hallways
See your shining brown eyes
Admire your confident smile
And not feel the redness seep into my cheeks when you forget to say "hey" to me

I can see pictures
You and her
Kissing, smiling, happy
And not be weighted down by grief over you

I can think about other boys
Smile because of other boys
Yearn for their touch instead of yours
And not feel guilty because of this

But sometimes
I catch your wild grin pointed at me
When you turn around since you hear your name from someone's else's mouth
And then you capture my gaze
And you call out those words I used to die for
"Hey, Sam, what's up?"

And I realize I could still die for your voice

(Hey, what can I say? You can't be rid of a boy forever no matter what...but it's not obessive kind of crush on Jase, it's not really a crush...it's just familiar feelings resurfacing when he does the familiar things...)

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Rape Leads To Abortion Which Leads To Loneliness [Mar. 1st, 2006|06:50 pm]
I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |"Best I Ever Had" Gary Allan]

Don't you dare tell what to feel
I know what beats inside my fiery heart
Bite down my curses
Swallow my grudges
I can't stand the sight of your pleading eyes
Just let me go already
I'm not a baby anymore
You turned your back
I tested my wings
They're sturdy and beautiful
Watch me flutter away
Don't you dare tell me what to believe
I know what leaves me empty inside
Why can't you understand?
I didn't have to tell you this
I just wanted a mother to hold me
(I could never be like you)
These tears happened for a reason
These scars don't have any reasons though
It's not my fault
I didn't beg him to hurt me
I didn't ask for him to take me away
I thought maybe you could understand that
I thought you would try to erase these memories from my bleeding mind
All you care about is your religion
(I hear you cry out "murderer" in your sleep)
I guess I made the mistake of loving you
I guess I made the mistake of trusting you
I guess I'm just a mistake to you
(I'm sorry)
I never meant to hurt anyone
I guess I'll just walk away with my empty promise...

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Feeling Pretty Combative Right Now [Feb. 28th, 2006|06:02 pm]
I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..
Hey, I just read TIME magazine.

How can a man who attempted to strangle a 17 year old girl and failed so he beat her, raped her, and then stabbed her postpone his execution date because he's afraid that it'll be too painful?!

That makes me sick. If you kill someone that painfully, you deserve more than a injection in a vein to kill you. AND how come it's okay to euthanize a dog when he bites a peron or when he is suffering, but it's not okay to euthanize a human when they are suffering and in some states, when they kill a person? How do you know for sure that dog you are "relieving of pain" isn't really suffering more from the injection as the inmates are complaining?

AND how can people not let women decide if they want to have an abortion? If a woman is raped, that is against her will and she should not be forced to have that baby as a constant reminder of that terrible incident. I agree that it's wrong of people to use abortion as an easy way out. But, there are good reasons to have an abortion such as rape or maybe even AIDS or something reasonable like that.

ALSO, how can Catholics support war but not abortion?

Don't hate me for this...i'm just expressing my opinions...tell me yours...i dont care if you disagree with me...just don't hate me
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i love you [Feb. 28th, 2006|05:22 pm]
I'm A Single Cowgirl Searching For My Cowboy..
It hurts so damn much to know that a good friend is suffering and thinks that her brother is better than her and that no one loves her...

but i love her!

we always have fun together and she's been there for me when i've fallen to pieces and i hope i've returned the favor to her...she's a talented writer and i admire her and her ability to be outgoing and shy at the same time, always looking beautiful even with a messy bun-thing...

i'll tell her 24 million times over that i love her if that's what it takes and i started my count about 2 minutes ago (after i left her and comment and wrote this)

i love you...
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